One of the smartest career moves Russell Crowe ever made was to back out of his commitment to star in the overwrought and underwritten Australia. Even People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive, Hugh Jackman, who filled in, can’t sell a line like, “I mix with dingoes, not Duchesses.” It seems writer/director/producer/ Baz Lurhmann has bitten off way more than he can chew, and instead of a sweeping epic of The Land Down Under, he’s come up with a film that makes you want to stand down and chunder. 

The plot is decent enough –-Nicole Kidman plays a British Noblewoman, Lady Sarah Ashley, who travels to the pre-WWII Australian outback to find her husband, who has been running their cattle station for the past several years. There she finds a rough and tumble new world, full of violence and beauty, not to mention a hunkalicious cowboy known only as “Drover,” (Jackman) whose real name she never seems to learn, despite the fact that they have a torrid affair. But a more altruistic portion of the plot deals with the mistreatment and exploitation of the “half-cast” or “creamy” children of European descendents and aborigines. That is what saves the film from being a total waste of 155 long minutes, along with a stellar performance from Brandon Walters who plays Nullah, the mixed blood boy whom Lady Ashley attempts to adopt. Apparently Walters has never acted before, but he has better chemistry than the veterans, and it’s not his fault Luhrmann chose to use an overabundance of smarmy, cliché shots of his lovely brown eyes starring up trustingly at his benefactors. Luhrmann made a lot of bad choices, but at least he’s consistent.

The green screen, CGI work and special effects are so shoddy it appears this Australian portrait could have been shot in Peramus. The score, which centers on Somewhere Over the Rainbow, (Oz—get it?) is trite and obtrusive. The characters are more like caricatures, mugging, posing and mustache twirling. After almost two hours, when everything has been nicely wrapped up and you’re about to pick up your purse and leave, you realize the promised and promoted Japanese bombing of Darwin hasn’t occurred yet. Oh no! It’s a whole ‘nother movie! I truly appreciate Luhrmann’s efforts to give us a new historical epic. They’re on everyone’s list of favorite film genres, including my own, and what could be more fun to see over the holidays? Well, a better option would be renting Luhrmann’s other, better films, like Strictly Ballroom and Moulin Rouge.  Those films know their places. Australia is $100 million overindulgence. Rated PG-13

Lisa Johnson Mandell