What were they thinking? Why would two immensely talented and likeable actors like John Travolta and Robin Williams get involved in this dog’s breakfast of a film? It must have looked good on paper—or at least the signatures on their checks did. Both actors will have a hard time living this down, even though it’s not their fault.

Shall we blame the editor for using an axe and duct tape to cobble together a film with no continuity, setups, rhyme or reason? Shall we blame the screenwriters, David Diamond and David Weissman, for not penning anything even remotely funny or original? Probably most of the blame lies limply on the shoulders of director Walt Becker (Wild Hogs), who gave the actors absolutely nothing to work with, and milked insipid, uninspired stereotypical performances out of the supporting cast, which include Seth Green as a sycophantic colleague, Kelly Preston as Williams’ temporary spouse, Matt Dillon as a fanatic scout leader, Rita Wilson as a hapless best friend, and unfortunately, Bernie Mac in his last onscreen appearance, as some sort of puppeteer. The two not so charming moppets are Conner Rayburn, and Travolta’s daughter Ella Bleu. What did those kids do to the director to get such addled parts?

Travolta plays Charlie, a swinging single business exec with an aging canine, who is partners with Dan (Williams), a very serious divorcee. It seems they went on a drunken binge in Miami several years prior, and Williams ended up married for a few seconds, during which time, unbeknownst to him, he fathered twins. Now they show up unexpectedly with their mother, who pawns them off on Charlie and Dan to babysit for a few weeks. The two “Old Dogs” are constantly mistaken for gay grandparents as they try to care for the kids and close a big Japanese business deal at the same time. Every cliché you can imagine is involved, as well as painful, unfunny, slapstick. Williams’ comedic talent is completely wasted.

Just about all the suits at Disney who were responsible for green lighting and financing this fiasco have been axed over the past few months, so you can rest assured that Disney will not inflict this type of cinematic torture on anyone ever again.

Rated PG

--Lisa Johnson Mandell